Splinched!
by EmoPopsicle
Summary: An accident, and an overlooking on Hermione's part, leaves poor Harry, or at least the poor halves of Harry, in a compromising situation. Slash/Het, AU UNDER RE-WRITE
1. One

Hmmm... I'm spewing out a few updates in the next week or so... I hope you guys like this one, I've been thinking about it for as long as I have been with 'Are We The Waiting?'. So sorry to you people that have waited a long time, and any people who've just joined me... I love you just as much, lol. Anyways, on with the ficcie!

**A/N:** I'm not totally sure if this has been done before, but whatever. I hope you all like it.

**Summary:** When Harry Potter hears the words 'potions' and 'class' together, he'd say 'Oh, hell.' When Harry Potter hears the words 'Snape' and 'detention' together, he'd say 'Kill me.' What does Harry Potter say when he hears 'Potter' and 'accident'?

Harry Potter was not pleased. In fact, he was pissed. And so was Ron and any other Gryffindor 6th year, minus Hermione. Now, why might they be pissed? The simple words 'Potions' and 'First Period', may ring a bell.

It was a dreary Monday morning at the Gryffindor table. The sun may have been out, but no one dared look up or outside, for fear of becoming late for First Period Potions. First Period _Double _Potions. Harry glanced at his watch warily, and it was already 7:57 AM. He almost screamed in fright, but opted for a horrified squeak instead and yelled a warning to his fellow house mates before hightailing it out of the Great Hall and down to the Dungeons, dodging lost First Years and confused Hufflepuff Prefects that yelled 'No running!'

He skidded to a stop just outside the doorway to Hell and took no pause for breath, rushing into the classroom red-faced and out of breath. Checking his watching, the boy looked relieved to see that it was only 7:59 AM. Harry then looked around and saw that the classroom was empty and was, naturally, confused. But then he caught sight of the classroom clock. 7:39 AM.

"Oh, god..." Harry groaned and he let his head drop onto the steel work surface. Staying like that for a minute, he decided to set up what he needed for the two... long... hours... And he just had to come early. "Oh, god."

Setting his watch to prevent any future mistakes he might make, Harry Potter proceeded with his self pity and silent sulking and started to get his textbook out of his stuffed bag, opening it to where he had placed his essay. He took it out and put it in the floating hand-in box that had zoomed to his side. It hummed what he had always thought was a 'Thank You', a vast contrast to the impolite ass that owned it.

Harry checked his watch once again. 7:44.

"Fates have mercy on me..." he muttered. The teen set out a clean piece of parchment and his quill, ready to take note of whatever Snape would set out for them that day. He sighed and tapped his fingers on the table, absently drumming a beat he had once heard on Dudley's radio.

The next few minutes seemed like centuries for Harry. He fidgeted and switched positions multiple times, making it seem like he was constipated and something had crawled into his boxers. Harry played with the long bangs he had grown over the summer to hide his scar, trying to braid a few strands but stopped as soon as he realized that what he was doing was a little more than slightly girly. He checked his watch again.

7:50...

He stared at the black clock face and the silver numbers that circled the edge, watching the second hand as it ticked off another minute, almost mesmerized by the simple tick that was now resounding through his... what was it called again? Harry couldn't remember, he was too lost now. Who knew? 13 minutes alone and Harry bloody Potter goes loony!

The boy laughed slightly at how easy it would have been for Voldemort to defeat him. Stick him in a room with a pretty clock face for 13 minutes and he would get lost in the resounding tick tocks of the countings of time. His amusement was cut short, however, as the solid oak door of the Potions Lab slammed open.

Poor Harry had fallen out of his stool at the sudden noise.

A drawled voice followed Harry's sudden crash into the paved floor. "Well, well, well... What do we have here?"

'_Well, it's obvious, moron,' _Harry thought, _'I got here earlier than you and almost went insane! Then I fell out of my fucking chair because of you!' _He huffed at the humiliation and got up slowly, wincing as he hit his head on a bruised shoulder. (Don't ask me how this is possible, it just is, okay?)

"Potter's fell off his chair a bit early, hasn't he? Isn't he supposed to do that when he's actually _working _on an assignment? Whassa matter, Potty? Did you actually think that coming early would make you _not _have detention?" Malfoy's voice mused smugly. The tall blonde laughed to himself for a few seconds and continued to his usual seat in the front of the room.

Harry could almost _hear _his smirk. It was absolutely sickening! Draco Malfoy and his sickening voice... sexy... voice... Sickeningly sexy voice...

'_Oh god! The clock really has made me mental!' _Harry screamed to himself. He decided that slapping himself in the face would be something good to do, so he started whacking his head like he had water in his ear.

Luckily, his moment of insanity was interrupted at the bell signaling for classes to start rung. Harry sighed in relief as he saw Ron and Hermione rush in with a wave of chattering students, they themselves having a lovers spat. He waved them over, and Hermione, who was the only one of the two that had seen him, dragged Ron over to the table Harry had picked. It was at the edge of the classroom, just two rows from the back.

Soon after the last student, a Hufflepuff, scrambled in, the bat's ass that was, unfortunately, their professor swished in, looking to his Slytherins with a smirk and the Gryffindors with menacing scowls. Neville shrunk into his seat as the black-clad professor passed by him.

"Today, class," Snape drawled, "We will be making Pepperup potion. The infirmary stores have gone down recently," Snape glared at Harry, "and Madame Pomfrey needs more stock. This will only take one hour, so Professor Dumbledore has kindly shorted your... double... period to one hour. You will be working in assigned partners, as I do not trust any of you to work on your own. I will be picking for you, of course."

Here, all of the class groaned. No one wanted to be stuck with anyone in the opposite house.

"Malfoy, Longbottom. Weasley, Patil. Zabini and Parkinson, Goyle and Brown. Finnigan, Crabbe. Thomas and Greengrass and lastly, Granger and... Potter," Snape said the last name with malice. "Begin." The man flicked his wand at the empty black board, ingredients and instructions appeared quickly, letter by letter.

The class scattered and switched seats accordingly to their parters, not wanting to upset the irritable professor.

"Harry, do you have your potions kit with you? Mine ran out a few days ago when I was brewing that Pepperup potion for that poor first year..." Hermione said, scribbling onto Harry's already set out parchment. She seemed slightly flustered, Harry noted. Hermione was almost always prepared.

'_Must be that time of the month she told me about last week... Wonder if she told Ron...' _Harry thought casually. _'Pity him if she hasn't.'_ He handed her his kit and started to boil the water to a slow simmer, watching as Hermione noted everything carefully.

The elder girl waited one minute before placing the first ingredient in, and instructed Harry to slowly stir clockwise. She continued with this, instructing Harry every now and then with what to do and they were done withing 40 minutes. The two bottled the potion carefully and a Hand-Me-In crate zoomed towards them. They set them at the bottom and it zoomed off with a hummed 'Thank you. You may leave now.'

Snape gave the 16 year old Gryffindor an odd look, reminding Harry of what had happened the previous year. It hit his heart with a painful sting to remember that because Harry had neglected practicing Occlumency that Sirius had died. He still felt that it was his fault, but he kept that behind him. It was the past, and it couldn't be changed.

Harry and Hermione stood up, as well as a few other students and left the classroom, opting to head to the library to prepare for their next class, Charms. The resident librarian, Madame Pince, nodded towards the two quiet students as they headed towards their usual study table. Lately, Harry had been more reserved, and preferred to stay inside with Hermione. Ron, as Hermione would usually say, had the emotional capacity of a teaspoon, and would never understand most of what was going through in his mind. It had always been like this, ever since... Well, you know.

The younger of the two started to doodle on a scrap piece of parchment that he had found lying on the floor as Hermione started to shuffled around her book bag, searching for her Charms notebook. She blew her bushy hair out of her eyes as she realized that she had forgotten it. Addressing the doodling boy, she said, "Harry, do you remember the Charm that Professor Flitwick told us we'd be studying this week? I seem to have forgotten my notes in the dorm..."

Harry looked up from his doodle of Hermione's intricately carved wand, which he practically obsessed over as much as his own, and nodded. He dug into his pocket and brought out a folded piece of lined paper, which Hermione had ripped out of her Muggle notebook when he had run out of parchment. Harry handed it to her and she unfolded it, letting out a polite 'thanks' before writing out the charm on her own piece of paper.

"I'll be right back," she said, and headed off to the Charms section of the library. Hermione came back in a few minutes, holding a book entitled 'Charms to Mind.' She skimmed the pages until she found what she was looking for. The girl motioned for Harry to come closer, and they read the page together.

_**PATEFACIO SENTENTIA**_

_The **Patefacio Sententia**__Charm, also called 'The Charm of Open Minds', is a simple charm that allows whomever casts it to see within their target's mind. It lets them see how they are feeling at that moment, and it also allows the caster to skim the freshest thoughts in the target's head. _

_The spell was created in 1856 by Valentina Devout, Head Healer of St. Beauxbaton's Institut de Remède, in order to solve the mysterious streak of serial killings that was massacring the French Wizarding population. **Patefacio Sententia **was normally used within hospitals upon victims of attempted murder, assault or rape that are incapable of speaking or those that have decline to co-operate. Some argued that the spell invaded the patient or target's mind to the extent of breaking their minds piece by piece, so the spell was discontinued in that type of medical practice in 1936. It is still, however, is used with patients that are severely depressed because it could prevent suicide._

"Hmmm... It seems interesting. Harry, would you be my parter for class?" Hermione asked, studying the diagram that showed the wand movement. She used her finger to practice.

Flicked up twice and swished it to the right, then made a tapping motion towards an imaginary head.

"Yeah, sure. I don't think I could trust anyone else. It's just way too personal," Harry answered. His mood had shifted drastically as soon as Potions started, and he felt like the world had exploded into his face. This had been happening a lot.

"You know you have us, Harry. All you need to do is ask," Hermione said. "Oh! Before I forget, here's the Draught of Emotional Balance that you asked for. I managed to get the instructions from Madame Pomphrey. One sip every 2 hours, okay?" She handed it to a nodding Harry a clear flask that had a calm lavender liquid in it.

Harry unscrewed the top carefully and took a small sip. It tasted like grapes. He placed the flask into a cushioned pocket in his book bag with his quill set and felt calm and rejuvenated.

"It's part of the process," Hermione explained. "We better get to Charms. Where on Earth is Ron?!"

Hermione grabbed Harry's hand and they rushed through the crowds of blue, green, yellow and red.

She didn't notice that there was one last line on the _Patefacio Sententia _page that she hadn't read as they left for Charms.

_**WARNING****: THIS SPELL SHOULD NEVER BE USED AFTER TAKING THE DRAUGHT OF EMOTIONAL BALANCE. BOTH RELATE TO SAME AREA OF THE MIND, BUT WITH CONFLICTING EFFECTS AND COULD POTENTIALLY SPLIT A PERSON'S MIND IN HALF.**_


	2. Two

Yay, update.

**11/23/07**

"Today, class, we will be learning the _**Patefacio Sententia **_Charm. Can anyone, besides Ms. Granger, thank you, tell me what this spell does?" Professor Flitwick announced. He climbed up to his pile of textbooks and scrutinized the class. Not one hand went up. Not even _Hermione's._

Except Harry's, of course. He'd always been different.

"Ah, yes, Mr. Potter?"

Harry coughed into his sleeve and said in an unsure voice, "The er- _**Patefacio Sententia **_Charm is a lot like Legilimency, some say. It sort of... enters the castee's mind and allows the caster to see and feel what the other is feeling, but only on the surface? It's not as strong as Legilimency, though, so only the most recent thoughts are found. It was used mostly in hospital work in the 1800's for serious accident victims."

"Correct, Harry!" Professor Flitwick beamed towards the boy, "10 points to Gryffindor!" He took out his wand and began the lecture, motion with it the specific ways to move the wand.

It wasn't long before it came for the class' turn to try the spell. They were asked to partner up and were sent on their merry way as Professor Flitwick scuttled around, pointing out errors and giving out tips and points.

"I'm ready," Harry said. His sleeves were rolled up and he had a deadly set look in his eyes. The potion was already wearing off, but he shook it off and took out the flask to take another sip. He felt calmer.

Hermione smiled confidently and waved her wand up twice, swished it to the right and jabbed at Harry's head, a light blue light going down the wand, into her arm and finally into her brain, calling out _**Patefacio Sententia**_. As soon as the light reached her mind's eye, though, she was pushed back by an immense force.

Harry was glowing slightly, and he was doubled over in pain. The classroom went into immediate panic as his body almost literally burst into a ball of light. Two figures stumbled out, looking absolutely bewildered as the entire Charms class stared in fright and wonder. What was happening?

The first of the two figures, obviously male, as the class could see, was lying on the floor, flat on his face, naked as the day Harry Potter was born. He blinked once, twice and then twitched as he realized he was nude.

"_Fuck!" _he muttered. "Anyone got a pair of pants? Extra pair of boxers? No? Damnit. Oi! Granger, person, whatever your name is, you mind handing me your robe?" He was scowling towards the entire class.

Apparently he didn't like the attention.

Hermione obliged, looking distraught. "Harry?"

"Not Harry. Jay." he practically ground out. He was grimacing at the Gryffindor emblem on the cloth, but then hugged it tighter around his thin body.

"Yes, yes- uh- Jay. What... happened to Mr. Potter?" Professor Flitwick asked, pointedly annoying the scowling girl in Harry's uniform that was sitting next to Jay. She looked very put out.

"How the fuck should I know? Some person in this class decided to give us a calming draught and then sent us a bout of Patefacio Sententia," Jay was now looking at the strange dark haired girl beside him. Flitwick looked panicked for a minute then nodded, then sent a startled Hufflepuff to alert Dumbledore and Madame Pomfrey.

"_What happened?" _the girl hissed to Jay. Her verdant eyes darted around the room.

She looked like Harry, as did Jay, but not. There was a certain air of... Slytherin?- around them, and it bugged Hermione to no end.

"Well, I suppose I _do _know what happened. But I'll let your little minds figure that out yourselves, hmm?" Jay said in a matter-of-factly-, holier-than-thou way. He was more arrogant than Harry, for sure.

"I do think it is in Mr. Potter's best interest if-" Flitwick squeaked out, trying to get his point across. He had hopped down from his tall stack of textbooks and stood before the now robed stranger that looked very much like Harry Potter.

-x-x-x-x-x

At this point, Draco got a good look at the mysterious girl and boy. They were, blatantly, hotter than Potter had ever been. Neither wore glasses, and neither had a crows nest for hair. Instead, they had honest, emerald eyes and a sexy mop on each of their heads.

The boy was just as short as Potter was, only reaching to about his chin, as was the girl. His hair had a blue-ish tint to it in the light. His eyes were dark and solemn, similar to Potter's just after 4th year.

Draco looked to the girl closely.

The girl had hair that reached the her waist. It had a red-ish tint. Her eyes were _much _more brighter than Potter's. _Much more innocent. Nothing at all like Potter's, _he vaguely noted.

Both of their faces held the similar pout that he associated Potter. Their noses were the same, the mouths, the ears. Almost everything about them. Everything but their attitudes.

"I dunno about you, Draco, but I think that girl is staring at us," Draco heard Blaise mutter. He looked to the girl closely and nodded, noticing her eyes dart away nervously as she bit her full, lower lip

Did she know something? She probably did. Potter always did that when he knew something.

-x-x-x-x-x

"Mr. Potter's best interest!" Jay mimicked rudely. "It's always in our best interest, isn't it? And how does that end up? Some one dies." He held the girl closer to him and looked to her.

"Did we trade personalities, or something?" he asked her quietly. She shrugged her shoulders and mouthed a 'no'.

"Hmm... that's strange."

A grave, worn voice sounded from the open doorway. "Indeed, my boy. Indeed."

The two centers of attention sway their heads to see the Headmaster in all his starry purple robed glory, the confused and frightened Hufflepuff biting her nails nervously behind him.

"Bumbles! So nice to see you!" the girl sneered, finally finding a clear voice. She sounded as nasty as Jay, only tenfold.

Dumbledore only ignored her and turned to Flitwick. In a calm voice he said to the short man, "Filius, do you know what has happened here?"

"I'm not quite sure, Albus. This-" he struggled for the right words, "- impostor?- says that they know what happened, but they won't share." He gestured towards the boy.

"Ah- we shall remedy that, then, hmm?" Dumbledore mumbled, eying the two with a wary glance. "Mr...?"

"Evans." The boy ground out tersely. His grip tightened onto the girl next to him, and he looked almost to the point of seething. He gave the Headmaster a dirty look behind his back and fingered him with his free hand. Many of the Hufflepuffs and Gryffindors gasped while the Slytherins snickered behind their hands.

"Mr. and Ms. Evans, please follow me?" It was a demand. He made a sweeping motion with his hand towards the door and gave the room a meaningful look.

"My last name isn't Evans. It's Potter." The girl said crossly. She grabbed Jay's hand and exited the classroom, Dumbledore soon following after saying a 'sorry' to the class.

They walked in an angry silence to Dumbledore's awaiting office.


End file.
